


The Definition Of Love

by Catseatingmuffins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adorable, Angst, Anxiety, Cute, Depression, Fluff, Galra Keith (Voltron), I'm dying, Insecure Keith, M/M, Sad, Scared Keith (Voltron), Self-Harm, Soft Keith (Voltron), Soft Keith/Lance (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet Lance (Voltron), THIS FIC BROKE MY HEART, Triggers, and I'm the one who wrote it, supportive lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2019-10-17 20:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17567399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catseatingmuffins/pseuds/Catseatingmuffins
Summary: Are you okay Keith? What about you Lance? No? Alright lets get going then!"This is gonna be a rollercoaster"





	1. Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> I know some of the chapters aren't very long (like this one) but since I'm only editing the old chapters, these will be updated much sooner (hopefully) Unfortunately, I am unable to access AO3 on my phone and am left to common devices that I can only use for short amounts of times. I apologize for slow updates and slow chapters, but I hope you enjoy what I do post. Enjoy the fic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance duke it out in the training room, but does Keith have enough energy to deal with Lance's antics this time? We'll see...

"Are you ready to go down mullet?" Lance asked, his challenging voice resounding from across the large training area. Keith crossed his strong arms confidently.

 

"Not a chance."

 

After only a few minutes of wrestling, Keith had Lance held down, but he was getting impatient with all of the wiggling Lance was conducting. Somehow Lance flung the smaller fighter off of him and they dueled viciously once more. Despite the fact he hadn’t slept for nearly 3 days straight, Keith couldn't refuse a challenge from Lance.

 

Once the fight hit ten minutes, Keith started feeling tired. He was having to fight to keep his violet eyes open and just like that, he was pinned. Lance, the snobby victor, had Keith’s arms and legs held down and Keith was fighting to stay awake. However, soon into Lance's victorious babbling, sleep finally overthrew the red paladin. Lance, feeling the tension slowly leave Keith's restrained limbs, cut his speech short and shrieked at the limp body under him.

 

First, Lance shook Keith, trying to wake him up, then he resorted to finding the all-knowing Pidge. Once he spotted them, his concern flew out of his mouth before he could think over his words. "PIDGE HELP SOMETH- ahem, I mean. Stupid mullet fainted or something during practice. Idiot." Pidge snickered at the panic Lance failed to hide, but rushed over to the unmoving Keith anyway. They completely checked over the red paladin to see if anything serious had occurred, but after doing a simple once-over they quickly resolved that he was only snoozing.

 

Adjusting their glasses, Pidge proposed a theory. “He probably stayed up so long that the minute he laid down, he passed out." Pidge told Lance. Then, strangely, they smirked at Lance, causing goosebumps to ripple across the blue paladin’s skin. "Y'know, Lance. You will have to take him to your room." A smile crept onto their pale face, revealing their enjoyment at the look of surprise and embarrassment on Lance's face.

 

"Wait what?"

 

Pidge placed a firm, serious face on and explained their reasoning. "Shiro is having a meeting with another planet's inhabitants, Hunk is off with Shay on a date, and I'm working on a project." Pidge numbered on their fingers, tilting their head at the bright red boy. Lance, completely flustered, crossed his arms.

Lance felt a blush slowly brighten his cheeks as he shakily responded. "W-well can’t Coran or Allura take him? I... I umm. I have to. Uhh. Do my beauty routine!" Lance stammered, looking away at the end of his sentence to stare violently at the suddenly intriguing wall.

Pidge sighed, shaking their head and causing their soft hair to fluff side to side at the sudden movement. "Nope, they’re at the meeting too, so it's all you. C'mon man seriously. No one else is available and we have to make sure he’s totally healthy so he doesn’t, like, die in his bed and we don’t know it.”

"Die in his bed? Really? I thought he was just sleeping." Lance said, poking at the stoic Keith. Finally, he begrudgingly sighed and picked Keith up, holding him like a princess... or at least that's what Pidge imagined the ordeal looked like.

Lance, surprisingly, blushed even harder when Keith snuggled into his chest, gripping onto the fabric slightly and mumbling something incoherent. Lance sped to his room and laid Keith down carefully on his soft bed, waiting anxiously for Shiro to come and worry over the snoozing boy.

When Shiro finally did come in, he looked majorly stressed, causing a pang of guilt and pity to hit Lance’s heart. He shooed Lance out and checked Keith for injuries, also slowly taking off the sleeper’s sweaty, black training shirt. Once he emerged from the room, allowing Lance permission back in, he sternly told Lance not to wake Keith.

Since Shiro hadn't seen Keith  _ really  _ sleep like this in three years, he wanted Lance to understand the importance of not waking the thoroughly exhausted boy.

When Shiro disappeared down the hall to rest in his own room, Lance sighed, not knowing what to make of his time. His bed was ocupado and he had to watch over the beautif- no. the  **awkwardly** sleeping Keith. Lance forced down his blush at his own thought and opted for pacing around his room.

Looking around at the mess of clothes and general junk covering more than half of the floor’s face, Lance decided to clean. Now, this wasn't something Lance normally did on his free time, he absolutely  **hated** chores, but he didn't want to seem like some weirdo creep just staring at Keith.

Once he finished cleaning his train wreck of a room, he decided to do his relaxing beauty routine. Every so often during the process Lance would peek his head out of the bathroom to check on Keith. It wasn’t like he was concerned or anything, he just didn't want Keith to ruin his room after he finally got it all neat and tidy.

Finishing his facial routine, Lance slowly looked around. He didn't have any work to do: his room was clean, he had done his beauty routine, what else could he do? His mind scrambled for an objective, resting finally on deciding to check the time.

"TWELVE O'CLOCK!" Lance vehemently whisper-shouted, causing Keith to mumble and roll over slightly. Lance put a hand over his mouth, remembering Shiro's words.

"Wake him up, and you can forget morning shower privileges for a while." Lance blushed again at the sight of Keith in  **his** bed and rubbed his neck, stalling himself from moving to accomplish the obvious. If Lance wanted to get any sleep, he’d have to share a bed with the most amazi- AGGRAVATING paladin on the ship.

Mumbling curses to Pidge, Lance slowly got in the bed, taking care not to disturb Keith.

*Morning*

Keith stretched, but paused when he felt his arm rub against something. "Hmm?" Keith grunted out as he froze, nightmare thoughts filling his tired mind. Slowly, he looked over.

Keith shrieked and covered his mouth with one gloved hand, staring at Lance. Lance turned over to face Keith and flicked his long eyelashes open, stretching his jaws in a satisfying yawn.

Keith blushed at how cute Lance looked in such a vulnerable state, then realized the fact that neither of them were wearing a shirt. Keith squeaked again, covering himself with the covers as Lance woke up enough to bury his face in the blanket. And that's when Hunk walked in.


	2. Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well that was awkward, now the whole day will be thrown off balance ughhh" ~Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I had a new idea that probably won't happen but whatever. Since I deleted the other work, I wanted to be nice to you guys and I saw something on another work I thought I might try. Sooooo, basically you can ask any member in my story (Lance, Keith, Hunk, Pidge, Allura, Shiro, I don't think there's anyone else yet) Yeah, you can comment if you want I guess, this probably won't work XD. Anyway, just comment something like "I have a question for _______" I guess :) Have fun kids!

Hunk took one glance at the situation and turned around, walking out of the room and attempting to erase what he had just seen from his memory. The door slid shut just as Keith and Lance looked at each other. Both began to colour red with a bright blush.

 

Keith was the first to unfreeze. "WHY ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?!?!" He shouted as he began to look around, noticing the blue walls while his blush grew even brighter. "WAIT! WHY AM I IN YOUR ROOM!??!"

 

Lance flinched from the loud yelling and rubbed his eyes, still sleepy. "Pidgeon’s fault." He mumbled out childishly, slowly getting up and walking to the bathroom. Keith, hearing the running water of Lance’s shower, made his escape. He grabbed a stray blanket, shakily wrapped it around himself, and slipped out of Lance's room.

 

"Oof!" Keith mumbled, discarding thoughts of his probable bed-head as he looked up at Shiro, whom he had just run into.

 

"What's the rush?" Shiro asked, offering his hand to Keith, who gladly took it. Keith readjusted the blanket around his shoulders and shakily explained how he randomly woke up in Lance's bed, in his boxers.

 

"Wait. I didn’t get drunk did I!?" Keith paled at the thought, imagining what might have happened without him knowing. Shiro sighed and shook his head, restraining himself from laughing at the frantic Keith.

 

"Go see Pidge." Shiro advised, smiling. He patted Keith's shoulder lovingly, sending encouraging thoughts to the boy.

 

Keith was panting by the time he found Pidge, who was passed out on their computer. "Pidge." He whispered as he poked their shoulder, wondering why the early-bird wasn't getting everyone else up. Pidge slowly opened their eyes and sat up, stretching. Once they saw Keith, they smirked.

 

Keith had his arms crossed and a blush on his face, though it definitely wasn't as bright as it had been earlier. Pidge chuckled, cleaning their glasses.

 

"What happened last night." Keith said, his tone deadly. So much so that Pidge froze and laughed nervously, scratching their head as they took as step backwards.

 

“Nothing that you're thinking of." They held up their hands, smiling a bit too wide. Keith growled, his face scarily shadowy.

 

"What. Happened." He demanded. Pidge frowned, debating the situation thoughtfully.

 

"Do you remember what you were doing last night?" Pidge asked. Keith searched his memory, but all he could remember was Lance pinning him down… one way or another.

 

"Umm." His face was now a blushing mess from the scenarios running through his ‘poor youthful mind.’ "L-lance and I... We didn't.. I mean he, we, umm." Pidge snorted.

 

“You didn't have sex dummy." Keith froze at the word and Pidge burst out laughing, causing Keith to grumble in response.

 

"Then what  _ did _ happen." He asked desperately. Pidge snickered again, a devious thought forming.

 

"You and Lance were training and he pinned you and started his victory speech. You were so tired that you fell asleep." Pidge blatantly stated as they looked Keith straight in the eyes.

 

"It was pretty cute when he carried you to his room like a princess." Pidge explained, then they decided to mess with Keith. "And I’m pretty sure he changed you, I wasn't there to see it though." If Keith was blushing before, he had just become a fire hydrant.

 

"WHAT!?" Keith yelled before covering his face with his hands. Pidge laughed, savoring the sight of the flustered Keith before them.

 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

  
  


~~~

  
  


Later, when the team was group training, they found that none of the moves were working. Shiro sighed. "Ten minute break." He shouted loud enough for all of the paladins to hear.

Lance looked over at Keith, who was sweating from the exercise the team had been working on. As an attempt to cool off slightly in the humid post-training air, Keith had momentarily taken his shirt off.

 

So Lance, being clueless, forgetful Lance, finger-gunned Keith, said "sexy abbs red." and backed away. Keith blushed and quickly pulled his shirt on. It was hot and wet from his perspiration, but Keith hadn't noticed Lance walk over and he might have seen... he shook his head, figuring he had about six minutes before the end of the break, so he went to the bathroom to have a quick shower.

 

Lance wondered why Keith had run off so quickly.  _ Am I really that annoying? I was just joking. _ Lance wondered before shrugging his shoulders, trying to push the thought aside. "Oh well. If mullet can't take a compliment, that's his problem." He said to no one in particular.

 

Lance decided to get a shower, his temporary thought not focusing on the fact that that was probably what Keith had might’ve run off to do. Tiredly, he stepped in the showers and walked to one of the blue curtains, pulling back the fabric and turning around immediately when Keith turned around in his swim trunks to stare blankly at him, startled. Lance ran to another shower instead, trying to focus away from the sight of Keith’s eyes turning to look at him, wide and violet.

 

Keith dried off and got dressed, slowly walking back to the training area to clear his mind of the little "incident" that had just happened. When Lance came back into the training room, his hair was still wet. Keith marveled at his slicked back, wet hair. Keith looked at him and he felt... something?   
  


 


	3. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will stab my heart." ~CJ Moyer

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't know what had come over him. Maybe he was getting sick from too much training, maybe that's why his stomach felt all weird. Lance looked over and, despite the previous encounter, waved and called out a greeting. Keith turned away from the awkward boy and jumped when he came face to face with a smirking Pidge.

 

"So, have you talked to Lance?" They teased, smirking. Keith fought off a blush and crossed his arms, mumbling and slightly angling away from the exasperating child.

 

Rolling his eyes, Keith shook his head and looked at Pidge’s mischievous green eyes. "No, why would I." He responded. Pidge grabbed Keith's bicep (Keith was glad they didn’t take hold of his wrist) and dragged him over to Lance, who was turning away from Hunk as the yellow paladin headed to the kitchen. Keith resisted against Pidge’s incessant tugging, but with his exhaustion still so apparent, it was meaningless to struggle.

 

Lance looked over at Pidge, noticing Keith being tugged along, his head down. Lance raised his eyebrows questioningly asked Pidge what they were doing, still eyeing the silent boy in tail. Pidge grabbed Keith's shoulders and pushed the tripping boy into Lance, causing Lance to wrap his arms around Keith on instinct to protect the flailing boy from falling. Keith yelped and stiffened up, preparing to hit the hard floor of the training room, but instead of a sudden jolt, Keith felt something... warm? And soft? He looked up and gasped quietly when he saw who his saviour was, pushing away from the startled Lance.

 

Lance blushed and rubbed his arm as Keith hurried away, probably to his room to avoid confrontation. Lance glared at Pidge, making them sigh and scuttle off into the kitchen to find Hunk. Lance felt his heart fill with worry for the shorter red paladin and decided to go see if Keith was injured. He went up to the door and tentatively knocked, hearing a gasp and a crash on the other side as his knuckles collided with the hard door. Lance jumped at the banging that sounded through the door and knocked again.

 

"Whoa! Keith are you okay in there?" Lance half-yelled, his worry building.

 

When Keith finally opened up the door, his eyes were slightly red and puffy and he was wearing a black long-sleeved sweatshirt. Keith’s eyes were angled at the floor, not bothering to see who’d interrupted him. Lance looked down at the weeping red paladin, who was currently trying to hide his vulnerable state, and felt the impulse to give him a hug. So Lance, being the most impulsive planet in the galaxy, did just that.

 

Keith froze when he felt Lance hug him, his shock clouding is brain and slowing his defenses. Lance unknowingly began to squeeze Keith a bit too tight, worry rushing through the blue paladin, and Keith whimpered quietly. Lance immediately let go, studying his shorter companion’s expression to see if he was okay. Keith's eyes flickered to the blue paladin’s crystal gaze, but he quickly turned around and cleared his throat. "Why did you hug me? I'm fine."He said, his voice stern but ragged from the sobs that had racked through his body.

 

"Are you really, Keith?" Lance asked. His eyes were soft, but he was looking at Keith with intensity shining in his ocean-blue eyes. Keith narrowed his own violet orbs and pushed Lance out of his room with the little energy he had left, closing the door hastily to avoid more interrogations from the infuriatingly curious boy.

 

When in pain, Keith had never known what to say. He had always shut people out, so he didn't know what else he _could_ do. He never meant to mess up so much.

 

Keith slid down the smooth, white door, putting his head in his hands, silently crying. Lance slowly backed away from the door, lowering his gaze to the dusty floor of the hall and walking to what Shiro called the "living room".

 

Later, when Hunk went to get the illusive Keith, he announced casually that Keith had reported he would eat later. When Lance heard this, he abruptly stood and left the table, saying he’d begun to feel quite nauseous. The others, used to Lance’s theatrics, simply shrugged and mumbled half-hearted “Hope you feel better’s”.

 

Lance, knowing full well he was more anxious than nauseous, stalked quickly down the corridor and knocked on Keith's door, stepping back and looking down to await the boy’s reply. When Keith opened the door, his eyes were soft and sad, tiredly hidden from view. “I’m fine Shiro, I just need to-” But when Keith lifted his eyes to meet the slender figure in front of him, he blanched, clearing his face of the sadness that had so visibly plagued him. "What do you want?" Keith demanded. Lance scuffed his shoes on the floor, averting his eyes from the intimidating boy, clearing his throat.

 

"Could we please, um, talk.. Please?" He mumbled, stuttering and looking at his shoes. Keith tilted his head slightly to the side, his eyebrows furrowing when he heard the emotion in Lance's voice. Lance dragged his gaze up to Keith slowly, taking a breath. "Do you hate me Keith?" He asked. Keith scowled, scrunching his nose up and balling his scraped fists.

 

"YOU CAME IN HERE TO MAKE FUN OF ME!? I ACTUALLY TRY TO CARE, A-AND I GET THIS!?" Tears were forming in Keith's eyes now as he stuck a finger in Lance’s face. "I, I try to trust you and-and" he broke off, crying. "GET OUT!" He shouted at Lance, pointing towards the hallway. Lance felt his chest get tighter with every word that Keith yelled at him.

 

Lance backed out of the door, shaking his head in shock and disbelief before speeding to his room, only a few doors down the hall. He rushed in and plonked down in his corner of the bathroom, covering his ears with his trembling hands and trying to get his breathing under control. Suddenly, Lance realized he was hearing the sound of someone faintly calling his name. His door slid open with force and Hunk ran in. Hunk, bent down to kneel beside Lance asking what was happening, was he okay? Lance tried hard to nod, tried not to show weakness, but his breathing was so hard to control that he ended up squeaking pitifully and clutching his burning chest.

 

Lance was seeing stars now, he was dizzy and couldn't hear or see anything clearly. He faintly heard the rumble of an engine, and that's when everything went dark.

 

When Keith heard worried shouting, he stood from his remained position against the door and peeked his head out of his room, his mind immediately going to an alien attack. However, instead of lasers and smoke, Keith saw Hunk carrying a shaking, curled up Lance. He froze. Keith saw Shiro, Pidge, Coran, and even Allura rushing behind them, they all bustled into the "Space Car" as it was often referred to by the paladins, and left.


	4. Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith realizes what he's done, but it's a little too late.

Keith rushed to his space-bike, a motorcycle designed to hover instead of spinning on wheels. The others had left so quickly that they had forgotten to usher him into the crowded space car. Keith didn't mind the neglect though, he needed time to think without the worried whispering of the others.

 

He arrived at the hospital shortly after the others (due to his very illegal speeding) and just barely saw the back of Hunk disappearing around a corner. Once he caught up to the group, he gasped quietly and nearly fell to his knees, even Pidge was visibly shaking.

 

When Keith saw Lance with an oxygen mask on and being wheeled into the emergency room, he felt his heart break even more. Running out of the hospital before any of the other frantic paladins could see he had even arrived, Keith bustled into his room and stayed there, laying on the hard floor for a long time. His eyes burned from nonstop tears and the never ending thought that he had hurt Lance. Keith’s thought process went a bit like this:

 

_ I hurt Lance. I hurt Lance. This is my fault. Lance will never trust me again. Neither will any of the paladins. They all hate me now. I have to apologize. What use would apologizing be. No one will forgive me at this point. _

 

**_Is Lance okay? Please let Lance be okay. Please…_ **

 

Keith didn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t even think past the noise in his brain, his overactive thoughts imagining the worst possible outcome even remotely available: Did he stop breathing? Did he have a heart attack? Was he okay?? Finally, Keith could stand it no more. He tried (and failed) to collect himself, and headed again to his space bike. This time, due to a strangely high number of patrol cars, Keith didn’t speed, he couldn’t delay seeing Lance anymore with a traffic stop.

 

**_Please let him be okay_ **

 

Barely half an hour later, the other paladins looked towards the door as they heard a shaky, tentative sound: knocking. Pidge went to the door and was confronted with a  **very** worried looking Keith, holding white Peonies behind his back in his hands, trying meekly to hide them. Keith shuffled impatiently, scuffing his boots against the pristine white tile. Keith couldn’t stand being in a hospital, couldn’t stand the shiny perfectness of everything. Couldn’t stand how, even though the outside was clean and welcoming, there was so much going wrong, so many hurt people, and of those people was Lance. Lance’s who he had hurt. It was his fault.

 

**_I’ll do anything, just please let Lance be okay_ **

 

Pidge's eyes widened at the panic evident on Keith’s face and they let him in, motioning for the others to give him some time. The near breakdown was evident in Keith's rigid movements as the others slowly got up and followed Pidge, all with drooping eyes and sore muscles from sleeping on the hospital chairs and couches. Keith waited for the door to close and turned to Lance. The taller paladin was asleep on the hospital bed, breathing steadily, thank God he wasn’t hooked up to any wires. Lance had bags under his eyes, what had Keith done?

 

**_This is my fault_ **

 

"I.." Keith began, his voice already cracking. "I'm so, so sorry.." he continued, not caring about the embarrassing tears congregating in his eyes. Keith kneeled by Lance's hospital bed, pushing up his jacket’s sleeves and looking down at his injured wrists. The sight of the thin lines pushed him to speak, his apology nearly sticking in his throat.

 

"I.. I've been hiding so much from all of you. Only thinking about myself. I was s-selfish.” Tears were streaming over Keith’s trembling lips. "I only c-cared about how bad I was feeling, how much you hated me, how little everyone trusts me, h-how much I.." he broke off with a wheezing sob. "How much I disappointed everyone. I’m s-so sorry" He shakily laid his head on Lance's stomach, trying to pull back his tears, he didn’t deserve to cry. Lance was here and it was Keith’s fault, why was Keith upset? He was a terrible person. A stupid person. So stupid.

 

**_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stu-_ **

 

He froze when a hand was laid gently on his head, running through his dark hair slightly. Keith quickly and stealthily pulled down his sleeves, his thought being that someone had walked in when they heard him crying. However, when he looked up, he saw Lance with tears like his own threatening to fall.

 

Lance had unsteadily sat up and was wiping his eyes while tiredly stroking Keith's head at the same time. Fortunately for Keith, Lance hadn't seen  his arms; Keith, sadly, wasn't strong enough to confront him about it. "H-how much of that, umm.." Keith paused and Lance frowned, his eyes trailing over Keith’s sensitive expression.

 

"I heard." He stopped, a hand reaching to his throat when his voice came out scratchy and sore, evidence of his previous hyperventilations. Keith started to apologize, frantically looking around for water before Lance smiled slightly and stopped him, grabbing his hand and leading him back to the edge of the bed. The smile dissipated slowly as Lance began to speak once more.

 

"I heard you talking about how everyone hates you, that you disappointed everyone. You said you were sorry, and then you started crying." His eyes softened. "D-did you say something else?" He croaked out. Keith was thrown off at the gentleness of Lance, why wasn’t he mad? Shouldn’t he be mad at Keith? Keith had messed up, and Lance was treating him like he was the injured one.

 

Keith blushed, slightly rubbing his wrists in embarrassment. "No. That was about it.." he trailed off shakily, thoughts bouncing around in his broken mind.

 

"About?" Lance asked, knowing Keith had definitely left some details out. Keith rubbed his eyes. The other paladins were back at the base, sleeping probably, and he definitely hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, too worried about Lance to calm his mind. So, without realizing his own actions, Keith rested his head lightly on Lance's stomach, drying his eyes with the jacket Hunk had returned to the boy that morning. Lance had been asking for it since he’s woken up. Lance blushed at the rare sight of Keith showing vulnerability, but didn't push him off or move. He had seen the Keith’s tired face and he wasn’t about to wake the poor boy up. Keith was like a cat, if a cat lays or sits on you, it is practically universal law that you can’t wake it up.

 

Soon, Lance had moved to carry the sleeping Keith, convinced the floor wasn't very comfortable. To the couch? No, too hard. The floor was an obvious no, and the chairs were too small to be comfortable. He finally decided it would just be best if Keith layed on the bed. But wasn’t he supposed to be in the bed?

 

Pidge chuckled, snapping a photo and whisper-calling Allura over to see. There, on the small, white hospital bed, Keith was laying on Lance's stomach, his head rested on Lance's chest. The blue paladin had one arm thrown across the small of Keith's back, and he seemed to have fallen asleep with his other hand playing with Keith's hair.

 

Allura giggled and closed the door, whispering to Pidge about humans and their weird mating rituals. Pidge laughed at the comment and hugged the picture to their chest, chuckling darkly. Shiro stared back and forth at Pidge and Allura. Not embarrassed in the slightest by the situation, Allura simply stated that Lance was sleeping and shouldn't be bothered, while Pidge slipped past Shiro, still chuckling lightly.

 

When Hunk went into the room that held Lance, around twenty minutes later, he was greeted with the same image, save for the fact that now, Lance was twirling Keith's soft hair, smiling softly with his eyes closed as though he were still asleep.

 

Hunk sighed and snapped a quick photo for Pidge, feeling like it was always him who walked into these situations. Later, when he handed Pidge the photo with the roll of his eyes, they gave Hunk a huge hug and took the photo back into their own room, slipping it into a folder and smirking.


	5. Sleep Talking... Or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith, having been asleep, was not aware of his current position... Adorable awkwardness and angst follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are ***TRIGGER WARNINGS*** in the story to warn of self harm, if you are sensitive to the topic, please skip ahead when you see: ***TRIGGER WARNING*** I will explain in simple terms what happened in the next chapter's summary

Keith opened his eyes, slowly at first, then they popped open. Lance was asleep... and Keith was laying on top of him. He stifled a gasp, covering his mouth with his hand. He slowly tried to move, then froze when Lance grunted and put an arm around Keith. A blush crept over his face; here he was, chest to chest with the person he had hurt, and said person had an arm over him. Keith’s mind nearly exploded from the amount of physical contact. He’d never been a touchy feely person, so this was very new. (Yet however much Keith tried to convince himself he didn’t like it, his mind (and maybe somewhere else) was thoroughly content with the position) Keith was confused.

 

"Mmm five more minutes." Came a quiet response, Keith smiled gently as Lance mumbled in his sleep. He rested his chin on Lance's chest and looked at his hair. Lance always complained about how long Keith's hair was, but his was getting fairly long too. Keith, probably delirious from lack of sleep, twirled the brown strands of hair in his fingers, surprised at how soft and fluffy it was. "Keith?" Lance said groggily, running slender fingers through Keith's hair. _Oh wow that feels good._

 

"Mmm I should cut my hair shouldn't I?" Lance mumbled and Keith sobered up immediately, was Lance actually awake?

 

"Um, I think y-you look fine with longer hair." Keith mumbled. Lance smiled, twirling Keith's hair. "Lance? Are y-you actually um, awake?" Keith stuttered, wishing for... something, he didn't know exactly what.

 

"If I'm in a dream, isn't that a weird thing to ask?" Lance chuckled, then froze. "Wait. Oh no..." Keith deflated at Lance’s “disgust.” Lance hated him. Of course, there it was, Lance was mad at him. People are illogical in their dreams, there’s no way Lance could’ve ever liked him, not when Keith was such a complete screw up.

 

Lance blushed, screwing his eyes closed as tightly as he could and pinching himself with his free hand. His eyes fluttered open and he slowly sat up, just as Keith was stumbling off of him. He barely had time to say "Wait!" before Keith was running out the door. The last thing Lance saw was the short boy’s tears and the door slamming shut.

 

He waited there for a long time, this week was hell. Lance didn’t bother to ring the "assistance" bell, angry at himself. Finally, a nurse came in with a small tray of food. "You need to stay for a couple hours, since we are doing your routine tests here too." She said cheerily, then she saw his tear-stained face. "What's wrong? Is your anxiety back?" She asked, eyes widening slightly. Lance smiled fleetingly; _She must be new._

 

Lance tried desperately to keep his voice from quivering. "Um, it’s not that… I-I’m okay. I'd rather not talk about it. Thanks though." His voice came out slightly wobbly as his mind replayed what had happened previously.

 

The nurse looked somewhat unconvinced, but she at least knew not to argue. "Okay. If you need me, for any reason, press the button. You should only be here a bit longer, but I'm here if needed, and I'm sure your friends would come if you needed them too." She smiled at the end of her sentence, patting Lance's shoulder kindly and walking out of the room. Lance sighed at the relief of being alone, but being alone was almost worse than having to talk to some nurse. Now, he couldn’t distract himself from his intruding thoughts.

 

Lance looked somberly at the door, his blue eyes fogging up with quiet tears. Now he definitely knew he had screwed up any chance he had with Keith, he’d never be able to be the red paladin’s friend, (or anything else for that matter) not after Lance was so stupidly careless. "Why do I always mess these things up?" Lance asked himself, his hands clenching the uncomfortable bed blanket. A quick glance of a thought entered his head.

 

_Why was that dream so good? It was just Keith playing with my hair. It felt really nice though…_

 

Embarrassment made its way to Lance’s mind and he felt tears coming to his eyes, he wiped them away quickly, hoping that he could just sleep through the next few hours like usual until he got to go home. However, as Lance drifted off to sleep, he did not dream. Instead, his mind was composed of nightmares that skewered his thoughts of anxiety, rejection, and Keith.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Keith locked his door and raced through the mess on his floor to the bathroom, kicking dirty laundry aside in his haste. Just as he tripped onto the cool, blue tile of the pristine bathroom, Keith heard a knock from outside his room.

 

"Keith?" Came a questioning voice and Keith paled slightly in recognition; it was Shiro. "I left my shoes in here earlier. Is it okay if I come in and get them?" Keith closed the bathroom door as quietly as he could and sighed, resting his head on the door frame.

 

"Yeah, I was getting ready for a shower so I’m the bathroom, but I haven't cleaned my room yet so.." he heard the door open and closed his eyes, hoping Shiro would find his shoes quickly.

 

After a few minutes of shuffling around, Keith heard a relieved “Ah-ha!” and Shiro knocked on the door. "Hey, I found it. You okay in there?" Keith narrowed his violet eyes and looked at his sink, forcing his voice to remain steady.

 

"Yeah, I was just getting prepared for a shower and I didn't want to leave you alone if you needed something." Keith said happily, trying to sound as convincing as he could.

  


**(TRIGGER WARNING)**

  
  
  
  


"Oh, okay! Well I got it, thanks. Have fun with your shower." Keith heard an awkward chuckle as Shiro made his retreat. Eventually, Keith heard the door to his room open and close as Shiro exited, probably to find the Princess. He sighed and slid down his bathroom door, glad to be relieved of an audience.

 

Letting out a slow breath, Keith turned over his arm. "One… two… three… four…" He softly and slowly counted, staring at the lines of blood on his arm. As the blood rose to his skin, Keith relaxed more, the hormones in his brain relieving him of the stress, if only momentarily. A sudden thought hit Keith half-way through.

 

_I would’ve been two years clean._

 

And Lance burst through the door.

 

**(TRIGGER WARNING OVER)**


	6. Could you please... erm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the trigger warnings, the previous chapter was about how Keith began self harming and Lance walked in right as he started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know it's short, I apologize.

Keith shrieked as he rushed to cover his crimson arm. "Kn-knock you idiot!" He shouted as he rushed to dry his tears, bumping into the sink with his arm and crying out in pain. His mind was a jumbled mess.

 

_ Isn’t Lance supposed to be in the hospital? Why is he here? Why is he in  _ **_my_ ** _ room?! _

 

"Keith?" Lance took a step toward Keith’s frantic figure and jumped back when he felt a sudden jab in his foot. Picking up a small, thin razor in his soft hands, Lance’s heart nearly stopped.

 

"No no no no!" Keith muttered to himself, rushing around, picking up towels, doing anything to keep his gaze off Lance. 

 

_ You idiot! Why didn’t you lock the door?! Shiro was just here, anyone could walk in! Come on stupid! you’ve got to be smarter than that! Are you really that dumb? _

 

"Um, I was shaving, and I accidentally cut myself. Now please get out so I can finish shaving." Keith's eyes were welling up with tears now, against his will, and he had turned his back to Lance, still moving around the room at a maniac pace.

 

Lance cleared his throat, making Keith stop rushing about and turn a bit to see Lance out of the corner of his left eye. "I don't think people lose this much blood from cutting themselves while shaving." Lance reasoned, his voice shaky with nerves and fear for his teammate.

 

Keith furrowed his eyebrows, his anger suddenly blistering hot. A growl rose in his throat. "WELL, MAYBE IF YOU PAID AS MUCH ATTENTION TO ME AS THE OTHER PALADINS YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!" Keith’s anger dissipated as quick as it had flared and he covered his mouth in horror, looking down as his body was overcome with tremors.

 

"Keith? Could you show me your arms?" Lance felt tears collect in his eyes from getting yelled at again by Keith, but he quickly wiped them away, this wasn’t the time for tears. Lance took half a step forward, hoping to calm the boy.

 

"No! Get the hell away from me! You don't know anything! Leave me alone." Lance jumped back as the door closed in his face. Keith’s anger had spiked back, pumping through his veins as he fought the urge to punch the door… or Lance.

 

"I know more than you think." Lance mumbled as tears clouded his vision. If only he could get in that room, then he could help Keith. He’d never had to help someone  _ else _ through things like this.

 

"What do you mean?" Keith asked, confused and angry. Lance blinked, he hadn’t meant for Keith to hear him.

 

"Um well, I've... y'know, I’ve done-" Lance tripped over his words. "I had-well, I have problems." he finally blurted out. He tugged at his hair.  _ “Real smooth Lance, real smooth.”  _ Lance chided himself for stuttering, muttering curses.

 

"You don't act like it." Came Keith's frustrated response from the bathroom. Lance banged his fist on the door angrily, startling both Keith and himself. Keith, shocked, stared wide-eyed at the door.

 

"Well, I mean.. I'm getting better. So, I know what it's like. Do you think people just walk around screaming 'I have depression! Feel bad for me!' Well, I mean, some people do, but I don't! I didn't want people to know. I'm guessing it's the same for you?" Lance inquired softly, surprised when the handle to the door twisted in front of him. Keith had opened the door and was crying silently now, feeling bad for upsetting Lance.

 

"I-I'm sorry L-lance." He choked out, staring at his own still injured arm. "P-please don't.. um." Lance sighed, anticipating the next request.

 

"I won't tell anyone as long as you talk to me, okay? But you’re going to have to say something to someone sooner or later." Keith took a deep breath, steadying himself as much as he could, given the circumstances.

 

"T-that's um, not what I was going to s-say.." Keith stuttered, his eyes drifting to his feet.

 

"Oh, then what  _ were _ you going to say?" Lance said softly, slightly confused.  _ Does he just want me to leave? Did I upset him? Did I do something wrong? Oh no, what if I hurt him even more! Oh boy… Good job Lance, you probably made him even more angry and now he won’t trust you and he probably thinks you hate him and now he- _

 

"Please don't leave me.”


	7. Crushes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been going on for a while now, hasn't it? Isn't it painful, when they will never know how long you've been suffering?

Lance was sure he looked like a fire hydrant by now. Keith felt his eyes well up with tears at the silence. "No. Nevermind." Keith said, starting to close the door and withdraw into his seclusion again, but Lance grabbed the door, preventing Keith’s escape.

 

"Wait, Keith." At the sound of his name, Keith looked up, a solemn tear sliding down his cheek. Lance felt himself reach out and wipe the tear away from Keith’s smooth skin, earning a beautifully stunned look from Keith. He could feel himself blushing, but he didn't move his hand away just yet. "I won't leave. And, um, I'll try to pay more attention to you if you want?”

 

Keith was a blushing mess from Lance's words and hand, which was still resting on his face. As he pushed Lance’s hand away, Keith scrambled for words, any words, something that might be able to even slightly convey how he felt in that moment, but it seemed like his brain had melted into mush. In the end, he ended up half falling, half lunging into Lance's arms. Wrapping his own arms around the startled Lance, Keith snuggled his face into the soft fabric of Lance's shirt.

 

Lance had two feelings then:

 

One: That he was going to explode from all of the contact and his own feelings.

 

And Two: He felt like he had to take care of the adorable little bean (Keith) clutching onto his shirt.

 

He began to stroke Keith's hair, thoughts of the hospital coming back to his mind. "Keith?" He asked, earning a small hum from the tired paladin.

 

"What else did you say in the hospital?" Lance asked blatantly, holding Keith tightly and nuzzling his nose into the boy’s shoulder.

 

Lance felt Keith tense in his arms. "Umm. I didn't-" Keith began, but Lance interrupted him.

 

"Please don't lie to me. I said I would pay more attention to you. But for that to work, you kinda need to be willing to open up a bit." Lance pointed out quietly, still stroking Keith's head. He felt Keith bury his face farther into his shirt, slightly muffling his words. Lance lifted his head from the bony shoulder so he could tilt his face to see Keith’s figure, nestled up against him.

 

Keith, preparing to reveal his words, pressed the side of his face to Lance’s chest, feeling the steady heartbeat. The consistent beat of Lance’s heart soothed Keith slightly, and so he began to speak. "I.. I said I was hiding s-so much. Being selfish for not caring about your feelings. I said I was mad at myself for caring o-only about how bad I was feeling. How much you hated me, how much of a... a disappointment I was-" his voice broke, and he let out a quiet sob, his legs starting to give out.

 

Lance scooped Keith up in his arms, carrying him over to his room, which was right down the hall, and sitting him on the sink in his bathroom. He had a first aid kit under his sink, so he bent down to open the cabinet and retrieve the items he needed. Keith winced when Lance grabbed his hand, gently dabbing the blood off of the boy’s arm and setting the rag down when he thought he’d removed the crimson colors covering Keith. However, as Keith inspected his arm, he noticed a smudge of red still there.

 

*TRIGGER WARNING*

 

Keith grabbed the rag and began rubbing it on his arm, soon pressing harder to get the stain off, scraping at the wound with the rag until his other wounds began to bleed again. Lance, returning from getting the bandages he kept in his dresser, shrieked when he saw Keith furiously raking the rag up and down his arm. Lance quickly grabbed Keith’s hands and the rag and threw the bundle of stained red cloth, grasping for an extra rag sitting close to them. Lance ran cold water over the fabric and pressed it to Keith’s injuries. Keith flinched, But let Lance fix him.

 

*TRIGGER WARNING OVER*

 

“Im sorry Lance.” Keith mumbled, causing Lance to envelop the boy in a hug, tears dropping onto Keith’s shoulder as Lance held him close for a moment. When Lance pulled back from the hug, he began wrapping the arm in bandages. Keith, exhausted, let Lance carry him to the bed so he could sit; he felt his legs might give out any moment.

 

Lance studied Keith as he sat down beside the tried paladin, Keith’s sobs becoming quiet and pain-filled. "Keith.." he sighed. "Is this why you never talk to any of us?" Lance questioned, looking Keith in the eyes. Keith looked away, fidgeting with the blanket the two were sitting on. His sobs had become more like hiccups, just a staggered breathing.

 

"Maybe." Keith croaked out, his voice soft and sad. Lance gave a groan and flopped backwards onto the bed.

 

"I can't believe I never noticed how bad you felt." Lance started, his hands covering his face. He splayed his arms out, groaning again. "And to think-" Lance trailed off in a mumble.

 

"Think what?" Keith asked, tilting his head and making Lance shake his head, mumbling a "no" and rolling onto his side. "I think I deserve to know, after all I just told you." Keith crossed his arms gently as his tears faded away, pouting. Which made Lance cough and blush, turning away.

 

He covered his face in his hands, nearly muffling his words. "Ask Pidgeon." Keith pulled Lance's hands away from his face, leaning over him. When Lance looked away, he sighed.

 

"I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed." He started to get up, but Lance grabbed his arm. Keith flinched and bit his lip, causing Lance to immediately let go and stutter out a slur of apologies.

 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and I just didn't want you to leave so I grabbed your arm and I'm really really sorry! I hate it when you’re upset and I try really hard to make everyone here laugh so..." It took Keith a moment to decipher what Lance had said, but when he did, he smiled a crooked smile and blushed.

 

"Then.. I won't leave." Keith stretched. "But I am tired, so I'll sleep on that chair." He gestured to a blue seat by the corner. He started to walk, then felt strong arms wrap around his waist, pulling him backwards onto the bed. When he looked behind him, he saw Lance with his head pressed against Keith's back.

 

"No. Stay here."

 


	8. What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Sorry for the late updates. With school and family I have little time to write *Sad***

Keith blushed, looking over at Lance, who was hugging his back. A mop of messy brown curls was all Keith could see as he stuttered out a question. "Here? What do you- hey!" He shrieked as Lance picked him up.

 

"Shut up mullet."

 

Keith turned around and punched Lance's arm lightly as Lance chuckled. "I do NOT have a mullet! You need to get your eyes checked 'Sharpshooter'" Lance perked up at the nickname, a smile tugging at his lips. 

 

"Sharpshooter, huh?" He asked and Keith blushed, pushing against Lance and standing on his own.

 

"Forget I said that..." Keith mumbled, almost so quiet that Lance couldn't hear him.

 

"Umm.. so I.. Uh, I wanted to see if- er maybe you'd.. Ughh" Lance groaned, flopping back onto the bed while Keith looked at him, confused.

 

"Umm, what did you say?" He asked, poking Lance.

 

Keith’s breath hitched when he saw Lance's face. Eyebrows furrowed, lips turned in a frown, narrowed eyes. Tears pricked his own eyes as he abruptly stood.

 

He knew that face. He'd seen it on every foster parent he'd had. Lance wanted him to leave.

 

Lance looked up when Keith stood. "Hey, you ok? What's up- hey, why are you leaving?!" Lance grabbed Keith's arm and immediately let go, grabbing his shirt sleeve instead. He forced Keith to turn around, scared when he saw tears.

 

"L-let me go, that's what you want. Please don't make me stay." Keith said all of this in such a monotonous tone, it sounded like an algebra equation he'd been forced to memorize.

 

"Keith. What the quiznak are you saying? Did I once say that I wanted you to leave?" He forced the red paladin to look at him.

Keith had fallen into his 'routine' already. Tuning out Lance's words. He let Lance finish, then said sorry and left.

 

Keith had already started walking towards his room when he felt something, no someone, behind him.

 

Lance picked up Keith, carrying him to the 'living room'. "Okay Keith, I don't know what's wrong, and I probably sound like a worried parent or something, but will you please tell me what's up?"

 

Lance looked into Keith's dull eyes, then noticed Keith scratching his injured wrist, causing blood to stain his shirt.

 

Lance grabbed Keith's hand and pulled him to the bathroom. Sitting him on the counter, he carefully washed Keith's arm with a rag. 

Keith snapped out of his 'routine' once he felt the sting of cold water on his skin.

 

"Please stop..." Came the quiet whisper of Lance. "I want to help, and honestly I'm confused no one else has. Have you ever talked to the other paladins about this?" Lance gestured to Keith's arm sadly.

 

Keith watched as Lance bandaged his arm quickly and easily.

 

"Why are you so good at that?" Keith asked, too tired to think his words through before he said them.

 

Lance was shocked by the question. Keith hadn't said anything about his scars, self-harm or bandaging since Lance had found him in the bathroom.

 

"Sorry. Nevermind." Keith mumbled when Lance didn't answer. Causing Lance to stutter an apology.

 

"N-no, I didn't.. I wasn't.. I mean.." He shook his head. "Let me start over. I was just shocked you asked. I thought you didn't like talking about.." He again gestured to Keith's arm.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stay quiet."

 

"and you didn't answer my question." Lance smiled weakly. Keith sighed and hesitantly answered.

 

"Shiro almost figured out once. I'm surprised Pidge doesn't know. Hunk just focuses on getting me to eat, and Allura and Coran don't know. I can keep secrets."

 

With every name Keith listed, Lance felt more and more guilt pile up for not noticing something was wrong with Keith.

 

"What about me?" Lance asked cautiously, not quite sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Keith hesitated, looking morosely at the tile flooring.

 

"You were always talking and flirting with everyone else. Whenever I tried to talk to you, we always ended up arguing." Lance hung his head, preparing himself to ramble on about how sorry he was and how he was an idiot. Then Keith continued.

 

"But I saw me in you.. I saw your tears when you saw my painting in the garden."

 

*Flashback*

 

The paladins walked into the space garden where Shiro had found a painting on one of the walls. The painting was of eyes. Large, sorrowful eyes that seemed to hold the entirety of the Caribbean Sea in them.

 

Several of the group took pictures and 'oohed' and 'ahhed'. Lance, however, gazed longingly at the picture. It was almost as if the painting was of him.

 

Keith watched from further off. He had painted the eyes himself, and had also seen Lance's own eyes tear up

 

*End of flashback*

 

"I've heard your cries, a-and I saw you walking around at night when I did too. All of the "strange" things I saw you do; the crying, the walking, the distancing. I've done all of that. It felt like..." Keith trailed off.

Lance was still processing what all Keith had said. Yet Keith somehow found the courage to go on. "It felt like I could trust you. Though by then all we ever did was fight so.."

 

Lance looked up at Keith with tears in his eyes.

 

"You.. saw me? No one ever sees those... moments." Lance choked out. Tears threatened to fall and he stood up, noticing Keith’s exhausted expression. "Hey, it's late. We have training tomorrow and we need to sleep. 'kay?" Keith nodded and got down off of the counter.

 

Keith briefly explained he would sleep in his room, so Shiro wouldn't freak out if he came to check on him. After a short, awkward "Goodnight" Keith went to his room.

 

As Keith laid in his bed, he whispered one last thing before he drifted into peaceful sleep.

 

"You didn't answer my question."


	9. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A peek into Keith's nightmare ridden mind

Nightmares were the only things that had been filling Keith’s tired mind since he lost himself in his head. However _ ,  _ tonight was different. It was soft, not like the harsh thoughts that usually filled his subconscious mind, this was quiet.

 

_ The dream started out in a training center, the way a lot of his nightmares usually did, but as he slowly looked around, nothing popped out at him, nothing screeched his name, nothing pulled at him until he couldn’t breathe. Instead, there was Lance. _

_ He stood facing away from Keith, Keith cocked his head to the side, Lance wasn’t doing anything. The Lance he knew would either be bouncing off the walls or, he sadly realized, flirting with girls. Keith raised his head, realizing he’d let it fall in disappointment. Wait… Disappointment? Why? When he looked back in Lance’s direction, Lance was facing him, a sad smile on his face. Keith hated that smile. He’d seen it once when they had gone as a group to a planet similar to Earth, there was an ocean seeming to reflect in Lance’s eyes, or maybe it was the other way around. His eyes contained the ocean. Yes, that was it, Lance must have the ocean in his heart, that’s why so much shows in his eyes. Keith’s eyes focused away from the memory and Lance was now only a few feet away from him. “I’m sorry Lance. I expect too much…” Lance was gone. Keith looked around, panicked. How would he just vanish like that? Why? _

  
  


Keith woke up with a start, his heart was pounding like it did after all of his dreams, but this was a different kind of heartbeat. Keith felt his eyes well with tears. “Don’t go Lance”

 

He stood up and made his way to the door, he was too tired and shaken up to get dressed, so he just left his room. He didn’t know where he was going, he just needed to clear his mind. “Too much going on. It hurts-“ He paused outside of Lance’s room. With his eyes full of tears, he slid down the wall next to the door. Keith laid his head on his arm, which rested on his knees. He tried to stay quiet, but tears are a force of nature, so he ended up crying out anyway.

 

Keith sat there for a while, not bothering to listen out for people, not bothering to be alert, not caring what would happen, not hearing Lance’s door slide open, not seeing his shocked face.

 

“Keith?” Lance kneeled down beside Keith’s shaking figure. Keith was unresponsive, his tired mind unable to comprehend the situation. Keith was still shaking when Lance picked him up and took him inside the room, away from any prying eyes that might be out late…  _ “or early”  _ Lance thought, looking at the clock that read 2:00 AM. He looked down at the mess in his arms, Keith was sitting on Lance while Lance sat in the bed. Keith crawled off of Lance and tried to slide off of the bed, but his shaking nearly made him fall. Lance reached out and caught Keith by the wrist, causing him to whine softly. Lance apologized, but Keith just sat still, his eyes finally clearing, as well as his groggy mind.

 

“Don’t leave Lance.” Keith whispered. Lance looked at Keith, who was starting to shiver again. He pulled him to his chest, resting his chin on the top of Keith’s head.

 

“Bad dream?” Lance asked, he sighed when Keith nodded against him. “Are you cold?” Lance asked. Keith hesitated, then nodded again. Lance murmured a soothing sound while he slowly slid Keith onto the bed.

 

Lance got up and got his jacket from on top of his dresser, he didn’t want to make a bunch of noise opening the drawers or going through the closet for a better fitting shirt. He figured it would do for now. He went back to the shivering Keith and pulled the jacket around Keith’s bare shoulders. Keith looked down and pulled his arms through the jacket, avoiding Lance’s gaze.

 

Keith heard a soft sniffle and looked up. Lance saw Keith’s eyes on him and hurriedly wiped his eyes. “S-sorry you just really scared me- I thought I heard something outside so I thought I’d look- a-and you were there and you wouldn’t talk and you were shaking and I was freaking out and youcantdothattosomeonewholovesyoudammitKeith.”

 

((Translation: you can’t do that to someone who loves you dammit Keith))

 

Keith looked at his hands in his lap. Slowly, the words began to click. Keith looked at Lance.

 

A blush had begun to spread on Lance’s face, carefully covering him in a light, rosy dusting. He tried to stutter out an explanation. “I mean… I was trying to say… as two paladins… friends… I. Damn Keith you scared the hell out of me!” Lance bent over and hugged Keith, his emotions pouring out through his tears. Keith sat still, his eyes sad and guilty.

 

“I’m sorry Lance, I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Shut up mullet.”


	10. Don't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad leaving this alone for so long and then posting chapter after chapter in rapid succession. I'm sorry guys.

Lance thought Keith would push away, but he just sat there. When Lance looked back up, Keith was rubbing at his eyes, letting out soft sobs. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m this way.” Keith began to number his fingers.

 

“I’m sorry I don’t talk. I’m sorry I never told. I’m sorry people hate me. I’m sorry you get pulled into all of this. I’m sorry I’m like this. I’m sorry my parents didn’t want me. I'm sorry I have nightmares. I’m sorry I’m here. I’m sorry I got chosen as best pilot before you. I’m sorry I dropped out. I’m sorry I saved Shiro. I’m sorry I’m Galra. I’m sorry my parents were ashamed of me. I’m sorry I’m different. I’m sorry I like boys. Im sorry I- I’m sorry-“ He ended with a warbled cough, his breath coming in raggedly.

 

Realizing what he’d just said, Keith froze. He looked at Lance, surely he would tell the whole crew. Soon they’d all know.  _ What have I done? _ Keith stood and tried to walk but instead slowly sank to his knees. “I’m sorry”

 

Lance just looked at Keith somberly.  _ If only he knew what my family said when… _ “Keith, do you still remember your family?”

 

Keith didn’t look up. “My parents dropped me off at an orphanage at the first chance they got.” His voice was low, taking on a baritone effect. It was bone rattling to Lance.

 

Keith looked up slightly. “Do you remember yours?”

 

In spite of the heavy mist of sadness and loss, Lance smiled. “Yeah… All 18 of the idiotas.” Lance laughed. Keith tried to smile. He was happy for Lance but still too sobered to laugh. Lance sighed and sat beside Keith. “It’s okay to laugh. And it’s okay to cry. I’ll try to be here for both of those times. And if you’re angry, I’ll try to listen. But please, don’t fake a smile for me. I-I don’t want you to worry about presenting yourself as happy. Please-“

 

Lance cut himself short when he felt Keith’s hand grab his gently. He realized he was starting to lose his breath, so he leaned over into Keith and took deep breaths, taking in the soothing scent of  _ Keith _ . Keith rested his head on Lance’s and smiled, but it was a true smile this time.

 

Lance brought Keith’s hand to his lips, gently kissing the soft skin. Lance felt Keith tighten up, but Keith only buried his head in Lance’s shoulder. “Why are you like this Lance.” Keith muttered and Lance chuckled. Lance then proceeded to throw cheesy pick-up lines at Keith. Soon, after a show of who could make the funniest (or dirtiest) joke, the two paladins were cackling.

 

Keith fell back on the bed, tears stinging his smiling eyes. Lance looked over and flopped on top of Keith, earning a startled grunt from below him, then they started laughing again. Lance quieted himself and laid a finger on Keith’s lips, whispering about how loud he was at night, which caused Keith to laugh harder.

 

“I can’t shut up now!” Keith accused of Lance, he could feel his sides hurting, yet couldn’t stop the giggles.

 

“I doubt that.” Lance said with a smirk. Keith laughed more.

 

“What’re you going to do? Fight me?”

 

“No.”

 

Then Keith had his first kiss.


	11. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woah, did that just happen? You're welcome folks.

Lance pulled back slowly, his heart racing from nerves and his stomach in knots. Keith’s laugh was gone. He was blushing and slowly reaching up to touch his lips. Lance nearly started to hyperventilate, but then Keith began to smile. The corners of his mouth twitching up ever so slowly. Lance breathed out a sigh of relief. Keith looked into Lance’s eyes.

 

“Why’d you sigh?” Keith asked, his smile lowering a bit.

 

Lance stuttered a bit, “N-no I was just umm I was n-nervous and y-you weren’t uh responding and I thought I’d m-messed up? Umm and I wasn’t-“ Lance was cut off with Keith’s lips on his once more. He hummed contentedly as he melted into the kiss, feeling Keith’s smile against his own. Lance wrapped his arms around Keith when Keith pulled back and rested his head on Lance’s chest. Hearing Lance’s sporadic heartbeat, Keith chuckled softly.

 

“Nervous huh?” Keith asked as he felt Lance put his chin on his head.

 

“You bet your mullet I am.” There was no interruption. Keith sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“Why couldn’t I have found you sooner?” He asked, sitting up to face Lance. He then looked away and crossed his arms. “It’s not fair. When I finally did find you, you were a crabby monster.” Lance smiled, turning Keith to face him. Lance kissed Keith’s nose.

 

Keith blushed and Lance pulled his jacket hoodie over the black-haired boy. Keith turned around so that his back was to Lance’s stomach. “You keep making fun of me. Stupid Sharpshooter.” Lance giggled when Keith rested against him.

 

“You’re so small.” Lance cooed at Keith, wrapping his arms around Keith once more. “You remind me of… Hey promise you won’t take offense. I don’t mean any.” Lance looked down at Keith. Keith shrugged.

 

“Don’t say anything offensive then.” Keith replied with the smallest of smiles. Lance grumbled.

 

“You remind me of a cat. Y’know, how you try to pet one and it ends up biting you, but if you wait and let them be, they might just warm up to you. I know I’m really loud and a bit abrasive, but I’m glad you came over to me. Even though, even though the circumstances.. y’know…” Lance shifted Keith around so he was facing him.

 

“So I’m a small, lazy creature that pukes hairballs everywhere?” Keith teased, poking at Lance’s face.

 

“That’s not what I- did you listen to me at all?” Lance started laughing and laid back, pulling Keith with him so they were lying chest to chest. Keith propped himself up, looking down at Lance with tired eyes.

 

“What time is it?” Keith asked, and Lance grabbed his phone from the nightstand beside his bed (Pidge had wired it to work in certain atmospheric conditions. But he still had no use of Google.) and checked the time. Keith looked up again and Lance sneakily snapped a photo, his phone making the generic  _ ‘click’ _ sound. Keith sat up quickly and reached for the phone, sending both of the boys toppling over the edge of the bed. Lance landed on top of Keith this time, but Keith was still reaching for the phone. Lance dangled it slightly out of Keith’s reach.

 

Instead of making a fool of himself, Keith decided to take a short-cut. He smirked and put his hands on Lance’s stomach, slowly inching them up his shirt to his chest, then his face, then he pulled the dazed-looking Lance down to him, kissing him hard. With the phone forgotten by Lance, Keith snatched it up, still kissing Lance. Then he moved his lips to Lance’s cheek, holding up the phone. “You’re too easy Lance.”

 

“Can’t I just have one photo?” Lance whined, pouting and reaching for the phone. Keith rolled his eyes. Setting a 10 second countdown, Keith laid the camera on Lance’s dresser. He then walked up to Lance and grabbed his shirt, pulling him into a kiss right as the camera  _ ‘clicked’ _ .


	12. Seeing Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda not okay.

In the morning, Lance and Keith were sleeping on the couch in the “living room” area of the castle. Soon, a rustle was heard and Hunk walked in sleepily, followed closely by Pidge. When Hunk saw the scene on the couch, he slowly smiled, pulled Pidge over, and pointed at the two. Pidge quietly ‘ _aww’_ ed and took a photo. Hunk looked strangely at Pidge, still not understanding their obsession.

 

Pidge shrugged and shoved Hunk out of the room, putting their finger to their lips. Then they walked over to the couple, setting a 30 second alarm on Lance’s discarded phone to wake them up when Pidge was out of the room.

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Keith rubbed his eyes, hearing the slow piano sound coming from Lance’s phone. He picked it up and saw the alarm, flicking the sound off and slowly crawling off of Lance.

 

This time, Lance didn’t wake, he just mumbled a bit and rolled over. Keith smiled at the boy and cautiously looked down at his arms. He knew that sometimes he scratched his arms in his sleep, but to his surprise, there was no blood, though there was a bit of stinging. Keith retreated to his bathroom to clean the wounds.

 

When Lance woke up, he noticed the lack of weight before he opened his eyes. Yawning, he sat up and looked around. Pidge was working at their computer. Still being half asleep, Lance asked them a question.

 

“Do you know where Keith is, Pidge?”

 

Pidge looked over, smiled, and pointed in the direction of Keith’s room. “I think he’s taking a shower.” Lance thanked them and went to the kitchen to see if Hunk was cooking. Of course, there he was, ready with a plate for Lance in two seconds flat. Lance smiled a genuine smile and Hunk felt himself smile as well.

 

“What’s got you so happy this morning Lance? Did you get to do an extra face cleansing?” This reminded Lance that he didn’t even do one face cleanse, but he didn’t care.

 

“Nah, I’m just happy. It’s a good morning.” Lance answered. He finished his meal, a scrumptious mix that Hunk had just whipped up, and headed to his room for a shower. He was about to go into his room when he felt a tentative tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw a wet-haired Keith.

 

“What, you’re gonna be shy now?” Lance chuckled. He grabbed Keith’s damp shirt and pulled him into his room, kissing him and wrapping his arms around the petite boy. Keith looked up and smiled at Lance, causing the blue paladin to blush furiously and kiss Keith again. Keith scrunched up his nose.

 

“You’re really affectionate huh?” Keith said, Lance paused, tilting his head.

 

“Do you not like that?” Lance asked, worry evident on his face.

 

Keith pushed Lance backwards onto the bed and straddled his lap, pushing his lips to Lance’s so hard they both saw stars. “I love it.”

 

Lance grinned. “Good. Because I’m going to have to kiss you all the time to make sure I’m not dreaming ok?” Keith giggled as Lance trailed kisses along his neck and collarbone.

 

“Let's start with a first date, then you can see if I’ll let you hold my hand.” Keith stood off of Lance and winked, heading to the door. Lance furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“Wait what? You want me to ask you out? Did you just wink at me?! Keith come back! Keith! Keeeeeith.” Lance sighed, lying back on the bed and groaning. “Just like a cat!”

 

Outside the door, Keith struggled to contain a laugh, then slowly walked to the kitchen for breakfast, yawning and hearing his stomach growl. Hunk smiled when Keith walked in and Keith stretched. “What’s for breakfast Hunk?” He inquired, peering over his friend’s shoulder. Hunk turned around and hugged Keith, who stiffened slightly and chuckled awkwardly. “What’s this about?” He asked quietly.

 

“You just looked happier this morning so I thought it’d be safe enough to attempt a hug without getting punched.” Hunk joked. Keith frowned.

 

“Am I normally like that?” He asked, an all too familiar weight falling on his chest. His hands itched to scratch. Hunk held up his own hands in a surrendering position.

 

“N-no you just.. You’re really… intimidating. Y’know? You’re really strong and independent and… kinda scary.” Hunk laughed, but when he looked around, Keith was gone. He sighed, glad he wouldn’t have to explain anymore. Hunk loved Keith, he was just difficult sometimes, he couldn’t understand why Keith kept to himself so much.

 

Lance found Keith disappearing into his room right as he was coming out. He followed into the open door and saw Keith collapse onto his bed, laying against the pillow and wiping away tears furiously. Lance shifted his eyes down slightly and saw that Keith was scratching himself. He shut the door as quietly as he could while rushing and hurried to Keith, grabbing his hands and pulling him into his embrace. He felt Keith try to pull away, but he held on. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, even if Keith hated him for it.

 

“C’mon. Let’s go clean your arms.” Lance gently led Keith to his bathroom, sitting on the cold tile with him. Keith tried to scratch again, but Lance grabbed his hands, even when Keith let out an agonized scream. Lance knew the scream had more to do with internal conflict than with the pain in his wrists; Lance was also glad the walls in the castle were soundproof.

 

After a while of silence and tears, Keith had stopped crying and his face was sad, but angry. “He lied to me. He said I was just intimidating, but it’s because I’m the loner. He doesn’t like me. None of you really think I’m one of you. I’m not one of you. Not really.” Keith turned away. “I’m sorry you keep getting dragged into this.” Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulders.

 

“Don’t. You. Dare. Don’t ever say that. I know how you feel and it sucks so bad. I know that sometimes it’s more tiring than painful, it feels like it just goes on and on, even when you feel happy. But don’t you dare apologize to me for me caring. I want to care. I care about you Keith, I care too much sometimes. I should apologize for always looking out for you, always being on your ass about stuff like eating, even when it seems like I’m just being an ass. Remember that?” Keith nodded.

 

Earlier that year, Lance was always getting on Keith’s case. He would randomly walk up and say to Keith; “I bet I ate more than you skinny-boy!” Keith would flip him off and retreat into his room, but only after saying a quiet “probably.”

 

Keith tried to stand up, pushing Lance away gently. “Thank you Lance, I know I say I don’t need you guys… but I- I really do. I’m sorry, Hunk made some drinks and they’re really good. Could you go get me one? It might count as half of a date.” Lance smiled at this and nodded eagerly, not noticing the flat tone of voice Keith was trying to hide. Lance rushed away from Keith, whose face fell as soon as the boy left. He closed the door and climbed into the small elevator in his room. It led down to the pool.

 

“Let’s go see the stars, mom.”


	13. Attempted, Found, but not really seen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***Wow It's been so long since I updated, here you go. An extra dose of depresso espresso to start your day.***

Keith walked out of the elevator still dressed in his normal clothes. He didn’t bother with a stupid note, it would exploit the lies he’d been pushing at Lance and everyone else for the past two weeks.

 

Keith tried to remember what he’d felt when Lance kissed him and felt a spark of fire flicker somewhere inside of him, but it was quickly drowned out by a wave of ice-cold anticipation. Keith walked up slowly to the pool’s edge. Feeling the water with his toes, Keith realized what had really been going on with his ‘friends’.

 

Lance was never trying to help him, he just wanted pleasure for his own horny, teenage self. Hunk thought of him as a secluded beast and only used him for food-testing. Pidge made fun of him all the time. Shiro had been ignoring him as of late, probably because of all the dumb questions he asked. Coran had never paid him much attention from the start, and it was pretty clear that Allura hated his Galra guts. That added to the ever-present fact that his family was gone; no foster parent had ever kept him for longer than a month, he could feel all of that pain very clearly. No one wanted him-

 

Keith didn’t let himself think anymore. He hardly heard the splash when he jumped into the deep end, slowly sinking to the bottom. He proceeded to lazily blow out all of the air in his lungs. With a final shocking thought, he remembered admitting an embarrassing fact to his fellow classmates in a game of truth-or-dare he’d been forced into in 8th grade.

 

“I can’t swim.”

 

He was out of air, his lungs burned. Then a figure entered the water, swimming slowly and easily towards him. Without even seeing her face, he knew it was his mom. He stood up slowly from his drifting standstill, surprised at how light he felt, and swam over to his mom.

 

She was beginning to pull him into a warm embrace when Keith felt something stabbing his back painfully, pulling him away from his mom. He cried out feverishly: “Momma! Momma please, don’t leave again!” But she just kissed him on the forehead.

 

“Please know I love you, my darling Keith.”

 

Then she was gone, and Keith’s world went black, along with his thoughts. A cold, dead smile glanced along his lips before his face became void of emotion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Lance had been attempting CPR for at least 30 minutes. Pidge was sobbing over their computer, trying to enhance the healing pod to accommodate Keith. Shiro’s world would come crashing down when he got back to the palace. Hunk was leaning against the wall, emotionless and pale. Allura and Coran were with Shiro as well, and both of their lives would be severely affected if he didn’t wake up.. wake up… wake up..

 

“WAKE UP DAMMIT!!” Lance pushed Keith’s chest down again, crying rivers of salt that added to the water covering Keith. “KEITH IF YOU DON’T WAKE THE HELL UP.. I’LL… I’LL.. I don’t know… That’s why you need to wake up already!!!” This caused Pidge to sob even harder and run to their room. Hunk followed, unable to comfort himself, but hoping to busy himself helping Pidge.

 

Lance had never cried so much in his life. He was sweating profusely and his hair was stuck to his forehead. His red eyes blurred the room, ridding sight of everything except Keith. Keith was beautiful, Lance hated to admit it. He looked so peaceful, Lance almost let him go.

 

“You know what Keith?” Lance asked the unresponsive body, his breath coming out ragged. “I’m going to be a little selfish right now. Okay? I need you to live, so I’m going to work my ass off to make sure that happens. I will not let you die, for the stupidly selfish reason that I-“ A short sob. “I love you Keith. Please don’t leave me.” He paused his words to breath into Keith’s unresponsive body, then resumed his speech. “We haven’t gotten to that date yet, Keith… please. I’ll tell you over and over again if you wake up Keith. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.”

 

When Keith showed no signs of ever hearing Lance’s words, Lance faltered, beginning to lose any hope he may have started with. “Keith, mi corazón, mi amor, please… don’t leave me.” Five minutes later, Lance stopped pressing down on the boy’s chest. Keith laid there, still. Five minutes more passed. Lance eyed the pool that dared to take his boyfriend’s life, angry tears streaming down his face. He screamed at the pool.

 

“IT’S NOT FAIR! YOU’RE A FRICKIN ALIEN POOL! COULDN'T YOU HAVE SAVED HIM? I- I should have… I should have stayed with him, he needed me and I left. This- this is my fault. This is my-” Lance broke off with a sob, his eyes trailing back to Keith. He sat back on his legs and let the numbness take over his body, not even having the strength to cry as salty trails leaked from his eyes


	14. Coughing Up Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is love really worth the pain?

And then Keith coughed… and coughed… and coughed…

 

Lance gasped and choked out tears once more, immediately rolling Keith on his side and gripping him so tightly that he almost ripped Keith’s shirt. Keith heaved up what seemed like gallons of water.

 

“I’m sorry Lance.” It was spoken in a whisper, barely loud enough to hear. Hunk was the one to carry Keith to the car while Lance held the trembling survivor’s hand the whole time, tears falling steadily from his eyes. Lance sat down in the space vehicle and Hunk placed Keith in his lap, picking his spot as driver so Lance could care for Keith.

 

When they eventually got to the hospital, Keith was dangling in Lance’s arms and holding his savior’s shoulders weakly while Lance held on gently, but more firm than a worried mother.

 

The doctor accepted the shaking patient into the room with sad eyes. She went to work immediately, checking Keith from head to toe for signs of any damage or wounds.

 

After what seemed like hours, the doctor stuck her head into the waiting room, where Lance, Hunk, and Pidge were forced to remain, this didn’t go by Lance without a fight, and so the doctor eyed him cautiously. “Are there any relatives here? Anyone of relation or relationship to him?” Lance stood up.

 

“I’m his boyfriend.” He stated sadly, only loud enough for the doctor to hear, not the others. They probably thought he’d said something like “He’s like my brother.” Lance followed the doctor’s gesture to enter the room. Lance hated hospitals, he always had.

 

When Lance entered the room where Keith was being held, he saw Keith resting, but he knew there had to be more. The doctor quietly went over the specifics, asking at the end of her “How To Care For ____” speech, what had happened.

 

Lance did not want any pity looks, so he simply stated that Keith had somehow fallen into the pool and had never learned how to swim. 

 

If the doctor thought lies were exchanged, she said nothing. Lance saw Keith stir in the background and rushed over to the side of his bed.

 

“There’s nothing we can do for him here, and we need all the beds we can get as of right now. There’s a sickness going around. So I’m afraid you’ll have to take him home. Just… keep a close eye on him.” The doctor stated quietly, watching the interaction between the two.

 

Lance turned away from the doctor. “You don’t think I tried?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Later, when Keith was safely in his bed and Shiro, Allura, and Coran had quietly sobbed by his bedside, Lance walked in with some hot tea. He knelt beside Keith and spooned some into his mouth, carefully watching Keith’s Adams apple to see if he was in pain when he swallowed. Which, of course, he was. Keith’s tears trickled downward slowly and silently, and Lance heard three simple words.

 

“Thank you Lance.” This was followed by Keith reaching to touch Lance’s lips, then reaching to touch his own, his hand shaking slightly. Lance smiled and leaned down, gently kissing Keith. He could feel the exhaustion in Keith’s sluggish movements. Keith could barely keep his eyes open.

 

After a small peck, Lance tried to pull away, but Keith had placed his hand on the back of Lance’s head, looking him in the eyes. Keith patted the empty spot on the bed beside him, and Lance carefully climbed onto the bed, lying beside Keith and slowly kissing his eyes, then his forehead, then his nose... 

 

Soon, the pair fell asleep facing each other. Lance held Keith, who was curled up into his chest. There were no tears; there were no apologies. Lance made a vow in the quiet night air just before he fell asleep.

 

Tomorrow, he was going to gather up the nerve to ask Keith Kogane out to dinner. The night was undisturbed, and the duo slept in peace while the others rested with one thought in mind. “Keith is alive, it’s ok.


End file.
